Weird News Articles from Florida
by Andrea “The Grill” of Geeky Gaming
Weird News Articles from Florida!? No Way! This video is in no way meant to insult anyone from Florida. It’s a beautiful state. It just has a few odd news stories from time to time.
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Hey Geeks, it’s Andrea. Today we are going to do something a little bit different. If you like it, maybe we’ll do more. I want to first start out by saying that this isn’t meant to offend anyone from Florida. I mean, you guys have Disney World, so obviously, there is a lot of greatness there. And there are some really weird stories from where I live too. There are just a lot of interesting news articles from Florida. So, here are a few of these for you. Alright Geeks, let’s go.
- In June of 2013, a 49-year-old Florida man by the name of Randy Zipperer absolutely lost his shit when he couldn’t find his mac and cheese. When his brother began to help this completely rational man look for his missing cheesy stuff, his brother accidentally spilled Randy’s beer. As any rational man would do, Randy grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed his brother in the stomach. Randy even said once he is out of jail he plans to beat his brother. This man just oozes class.
- After 30 long years of going around and around with her tall and silent beau, Linda Ducharme finally tied the knot to Bruce in 2013. Bruce, of course is a Ferris Wheel. As far as weird news stories go, this one is alright to me. No one is getting hurt or dying, and this woman is extremely happy. I hope they have many happy years through all their ups and downs.
- 50-year-old William Gibson was hanging outside of a shop when he began to… Well, let me just let this witness describe it for you. “He jiggled his underwear in the back, as to maybe hiding something in there. Then all of a sudden he just pulled down the front of his underwear, to expose his genitals, fluffing them.” I have to say, I’m not sure what “fluffing” one’s genitals means, but I can imagine. What takes this story from creepy to both creepy and weird was his excuse. He told the police on scene that he was just airing out his penis.
- People are caught stealing every day. On the other side of that, not every case is someone getting caught stealing a life-sized cutout of Justin Bieber worth 35 bucks. In 2011, 23-year-old David Dowling couldn’t outrun the employee of the store. Maybe it was because he had a life-sized cutout of Justin Bieber under his freaking arm. Dowling told police, “We were just having fun holding Justin Bieber hostage.”
- If you hear that a person called 911 eighty times in a single day, you are probably going to be pretty concerned. That is until you realize that this 34-year-old man was calling because he wanted Kool-Aid, hamburgers, and weed. On top of that he wanted police to bring them to him. When the sheriff showed up to his home, he didn’t get his Kool-Aid, hamburgers, and weed, but he did get a nice shiny pair of handcuffs and a place to stay for a while.
- Whenever this Florida woman got her license in the mail, she was surprised to find out that she lives on Eat Ass street. Yup. Her street address simply read Eat Ass. How this got through the quality control beats me. I’m just curious if this is a gated community or if people can just come freely. And what are the HOA fees like?
- Because dressing as a ghoulish zombie at a nudist resort isn’t weird enough, 47-year-old Kevin Fearn decided to take things leaps and bounds further and attack a 71-year-old security guard. He had been asked to leave because he had grabbed a woman’s breast. So this zombie sexually assaults people and punches elderly security guards. Even knowing all this, how does he still just look like a dad to me? I could see this guy making bad dad jokes, can’t you? Share your favorite dad jokes below. Because I think we’re going to need a laugh after all of this.
- Distracted driving is dangerous and causes many car accidents. There are ads all over reminding you not to text and drive. No one ever felt it necessary to give the warning not to shave and drive, though. In 2010, 37-year-old Megan Mariah Barnes caused a crash because she was driving while shaving her bikini line. Her ex-husband was holding the steering wheel from the back seat so that she could clean up her nether region. Just to add the cherry on top of this douche-bag pie. She wasn’t supposed to be driving because she was convicted of a DUI while driving on an already suspended license the day before.
- Ricardo Davis was driving his girlfriend to work at Taco Bell in 2013 when they got into an argument. His girlfriend allegedly pushed his head so he bit her thumb completely off and spit it on the floorboard. Even though she was rushed to the hospital, they were unable to reattach the thumb.
- We could take the classy road and end this with articles of people eating other people’s faces while on bath salts, but we are going to take a different route. This is a picture of a Florida man by the name of Bernard Marsonek. He was 57 at the time of this mug shot in 2014. Just look into those eyes and you know he did something pretty fucked up, don’t you? Ready. He was caught having sex with his pit bull in his back yard. His neighbors discovered him there and yelled at him to stop, but he just continued on. Whenever police interviewed him in his home after the event, police discovered that the felon also had a handgun in his home. Marsonek was charged for aggravated animal cruelty, sexual activity involving animals, and being a felon in possession of a firearm. 8 pit bulls were removed from his home and placed in animal services. Hopefully put into more loving homes where they get loved in a healthy way and not a butt way.
Alright Geeks, that’s going to do it for this video. Thank you so much for hanging out with me today. If you want to hear more of these stories. From Florida or anywhere else, let us know below. The world’s geekiest shirt is still available through Sunday if you want it. Before you leave, be sure to subscribe, like, and comment. And don’t forget to share with your friends. The only way for us to grow is for the word to get out there. Alright Geeks, I will see you Monday.
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